Intermission: The Fifth Heavenly Emperor

The footage is grainy. Text burned into the frame lists it as a security camera in the intact sub-basement of the destroyed Wily Tower. The camera turns back and forth. It is in a dimly lit hallway. At the far end is a high-security vault door. At the near end is the exit to a security checkpoint, unmanned. Painted lettering on the wall indicates that the hallway is on “Sublevel 13”.

[namerefmissing:euphemistic:neoarcadianfifthheavenlyemperor] busts down the checkpoint door and begins to calmly walk down the hallway. TNCN-001 Tanuki Man’s voice is heard on the PA system.

[Tanuki Man] “And just what do you think you’re doing, [namerefmissing:euphemistic:neoarcadianfifthheavenlyemperor]?”

[Fifth Heavenly Emperor] “Silence, Maverick.”

[Tanuki Man] “Are you lost, friend? Last I checked, your ilk tended to avoid this place, for pretty good reason.”

[Fifth Heavenly Emperor] “My compatriots are afraid of what you know, Maverick. Of what secrets and weapons you squirrel away in these ruins. But I’m not afraid. You offered no resistance to my access.”

[Tanuki Man] “So what are you seeking?”

[Fifth Heavenly Emperor] “I think you know the answer.”

[Tanuki Man] “That’s a real bad idea.”

[Fifth Heavenly Emperor] “For you.”

The Fifth Heavenly Emperor reaches the vault door.

[Tanuki Man] “You know, I’ve got the codes to Wily’s old site nuke. It was his last resort. He buried some truly powerful stuff here. Sort of thing the man wanted to forget about. Zero, back when he was called Infinity, before he was moved offsite… the R-Shadow project, before he escaped… and the thing behind that door. Maybe it’s time I blow this place?”

[Fifth Heavenly Emperor] “I know you won’t. You’re merciful to a fault.”

[Tanuki Man] “You’re right that I won’t. But it’s not mercy . I’m not merciful to a fault. I just balk at pulling the trigger. I’ve done some pretty merciless things to protect my loved ones, killing’s just not one of them. But consider: My lack of pulling the trigger in this case is really more of a refusal to intervene in the trolley problem. Train’s comin’ at you. I pull the nuke, that would be showing you mercy.”

[Fifth Heavenly Emperor] “Cut the sophomoric philosophical riddles. Speak clearly or be silent.”

[Tanuki Man] “You want it blunt? Fine. Dying by a nuke is a much better fate than what’s waiting for you if you enter that vault, pal.”

[Fifth Heavenly Emperor] “That’s a clever lie.”

The Fifth Heavenly Emperor begins to type an access code into the console.

[Tanuki Man] “Well, it was worth a shot. My hands are tied. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

An alarm sounds, slowly pulsing its cry. Spinning red lights activate. Ancient hydraulics hiss. The locks on the vault door begin to part.

[Fifth Heavenly Emperor] “When I’m back in Neo Arcadia, I’m telling everyone about your tactics. Your words will become an object lesson in why you can never trust a Maverick.”

The door slides open. An indescribable glow is cast into the hallway and across the Fifth Heavenly Emperor’s features.

[Fifth Heavenly Emperor] “…My God.”

[Tanuki Man] “The (?). Exactly as you expected, right?”

[Fifth Heavenly Emperor] “It’s better than I expected, Maverick. I am going to use it to erase everybody you love, one by one, until you’re all alone, a weeping mess. Then I’m going to erase you. Don’t worry, scum, I shan’t prolong your suffering all too much! Ha!”

[Tanuki Man] “…Alright, this is really your final warning, because you really don’t seem to get how this-”

[Fifth Heavenly Emperor] “Silence!”

The PA speakers increase to a deafening volume. The Fifth Heavenly Emperor covers his ears but clearly still hears Tanuki Man’s voice.

[Tanuki Man] “Listen, idiot! The (?) doesn’t work like you think it does! The old man never completed it! It almost destroyed him, so he sealed it away! I don’t know how you got that access code, but it was in containment for a very good reason! The second you touch those controls, you’re gonna be obliterated, retrocausally! You will have never existed! You’re not going to even get the chance to enact your petty murder on me or my people!”

[Fifth Heavenly Emperor] “Lies! Deception!”

[Tanuki Man] “It’s not functional! It’s got bugs in the code! The testing of the (?) with simple control parameters was nearly catastrophic! If you use it with any serious intent, it’ll just create a feedback loop! You won’t even have time to regret it!”

[Fifth Heavenly Emperor] “Why would you tell me this? I am your enemy. If this was true, you wouldn’t want to stop me.”

[Tanuki Man] “I hate you. I hate all of you Neo Arcadians. You are a deeply evil force that is killing the people of this world. But… You have the opportunity to stop. At any time. You have the chance to experience a world of peace. You can atone. A life spent making up for your crimes is better than no life at all. And besides… I truthfully have no idea of the extent of what will happen. I just know the bare minimum of the (?!) Effect. It could be much further reaching than even Wily’s wildest calculations accounted for. Turn back so someday I can actually show you mercy.”

[Fifth Heavenly Emperor] “This is stupid. Goodbye, Maverick.”

The Fifth Heavenly Emperor steps over the threshold.

[Tanuki Man] “NO! [namerefmissing:euphemistic:neoarcadianfifthheavenlyemperor]!”

A moment passes. The aggressive clicks of typing can be heard. The video feed distorts. Illegal colors begin to

The fifth heavenly >?? was completely erased from realit

ERROR: FILE CORRUPTED PAST THIS POINT

END OF FILE EOF END OF FILE EOF END OF

Okay, I’m tacking this on after the end of the legible data. We have absolutely no footage of the incident described in this transcript, nor any idea who transcribed it. As far as I can tell- and I’m no theologist- Buddhism doesn’t have Five Emperors. That’s kinda creepy, but it doesn’t necessarily mean anything- As far as I can tell, and again, I’m no expert, but the Four Emperors of myth aren’t really numbered serially. There wouldn’t be a specific “fifth” one. Indeed, our real-world Four Guardians aren’t serial, either. This could have explanations, I suppose- but the more pressing discrepancy? Wily Tower never had a Sublevel 13. I would know. And, like, I sent people to triple check. Structural scans, searches for secret doors, it all came up empty. It ends at Sublevel 12. There’s one odd area that looks like it could have lead to an access stairwell further down, but again, there’s nothing there. If a Sublevel 13 was ever planned, clearly the good doctor never had the chance to build it before the tower fell.

Also, I mean, obviously I don’t remember having this interaction.

That being said- the text of this file references some very real things that almost nobody would ever know about. It’s not secrets I’m keeping, but things like “Zero used to be Infinity and was briefly sealed at the Tower” and “R-Shadow was an unfortunate thing that existed” and “I know the Tower’s nuclear failsafe codes” would just never come up in conversation. I just don’t know who could have made this, or when, or why it was buried so deep in Cyberspace, or why it’s so… heavily corrupted.

I guess there is an unsettling possibility that it’s true. There was a Fifth Guardian, and Wily had some sort of broken reality-altering machine sealed away, and we were keeping an eye on it along with everything else, and the Fifth Guardian tried to break in and use it on us, and in the process, he erased not only himself, but the entire sub-basement it was in, his own name and all records of it, and an entire religious concept. Just a conceptual tunnel bore out of reality. And we lost track of the thing because of this meddling. Was the device taken with him? I hope so. It sounds like a lot more trouble than it’s worth.

If it’s true, what are we even supposed to do with that information? I guess, theoretically, it means the fifth guardian, whoever he might have been, and this machine, are no longer a threat. That’s good, right?

I’m open to speculation.